Monday, May 7, 2018

虚惊一场 之 离家出走记

From the first conversation on Fri night to Sat then to Sun... it was a heart wrenching 48 hours... so painful it was that i had to seek refuge back in woodlands with the pups in tow... there was just no room for discussion with that stubborn Taurus of mine... he insisted that he wanted to live a solitary life to do whatever he wants without having to take anyone's opinion into consideration... he admitted that he was being selfish.. =S 

his frustration towards me could have stemmed from his feeling of worthlessness as a trainee teacher... he had always enjoy the limelight and power as a student and in his previous sale job... so the slow pace in his training now irks him to the max... he blamed me for being his main reason for the switch from his previous sales job to teaching... the combination of financial stability and having YOLO friends around also tempted him to want to enjoy a better quality of life which I am not really an advocate for... 


he was also frustrated at the numerous NOs, accompanied with eye rolling and cold shoulders that i have been giving him; no to buying an expensive car, getting elaborate tattoos, going for a solo trip just before his europe trip with kelvin this december, a JB trip on top of the mountain climbing trip in indonesia with his nie friends this june... 

though it was the most difficult 48 hours of my life to date, i was extremely thankful for the chuas, Joyce, Mab, 洪妈妈, Yiling, Chunyang and Charlene who took the time and effort to comfort and support me & to dissect and analyse the issue at hand... 

Joyce was the first to came to my aid, accompany me on both sat & sun... and even took me to ikea just to cut short my home alone time... Mab popped by on sat night till midnight and highlighted things that were not very healthy in our relationship which i had never realized before... 

broke the news to mummy at the canteen while she was rumbling on on what to cook for him the following Saturday ... She put up a strong front for me but cried buckets after i left... Alfred texted me to let me know that he is a good listener and that our family is just a call away and will always be there for me... coming from the quietest member of the chuas, it meant so so so much.... Angela accompanied me through text the moment she was available and video called when i told her it was scarily quiet to be home alone that sunday night... she was crying even before i did... such a silly girl... she even wanted to fly back from Australia to be by my side...    

i didn't know how to face him when he was home and i didn't know how to face the empty house when he wasn't home... 

所以我回家了 ... 伤心绝望地回了一趟娘家 ... 

alarmed 洪妈妈 with a goodbye text to the family chat group who rushed over to home sweet home only to find it empty... He left the house when he saw me packing and i took the pups along with me to the chuas... upset and worried 洪妈妈 so much that she rushed to the temple the very next day to have our fortune calculated... we are considered the perfect match in the eyes of the god... guess perfection took a break these 3 weeks.. =S  

i dozed off at 12+, woke up at 2+am, it was the 3rd night where sleeping wasn't my forte anymore... brownie was walking round and round in circles on the bed... snowy, although was in her sleeping position had her eyes wide open throughout the night... mum woke up at 3+am and didnt go back to sleep... the 4 of us, each in our own thoughts, slept very little that night... 

was too emotionally unstable for work and called in sick... chatting with Alvin over breakfast made me realise how much of an impact my marriage has over how he views his relationship... it really isn't just about us... it affected every one at the chuas... it affected the pups... it affected Charlene 

was texting with Yiling when the idea of depression popped up... that was when i realised that my hubby 好像是生病了... i softened and then it was so much easier to communicate with him... and out of the blue, he asked if i would want to go home? 

姓洪的,你是在玩我吗?

not that i am complaining, but it took him less than 18 hours after i moved out to get out of his shell, to realise that he loves me too much to let me out of his life in order to pursue the fun & the glory... very likely he misses the pups too much too... but whatever the reason, i am glad this whole ordeal is over ... i am back at home sweet home... 

main take away from this episode;

treat him as an equal; he's no longer the 21 year old boy who needs my opinion in everything he does 

love him for who he is; 他就是这么拼的人

love him less; so that 有他, 没他, 都一样, so that it will be less painful the next time round, the real time round

be more mindful of my eye rolling... =P 

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