received this book during the Arts Education Conference last month and it has been sitting on the dinning table since then... original plan was to glance through it so that i have the excuse to donate it out during the next recyclable collection ...
surprise, surprise, the info i gotten from reading the first few pages got me picking up a highlighter ...
sharing some of the paras that resonate;
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Many high flyers and superstars at their workplaces live painful personal lives marred with divorce, terse relationship with their children, strained relationships with their families and/or fractured friendships. They seems abundant on the outside, but are empty on the inside. They fill this void in their lives with workaholism and addictions and often results in poor health physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
They spend their whole lives running and striving to get "there" but once they get "there", they find that "there" is really not where they wanted to get to. They are just like rats in a wheel - furiously running but getting nowhere no matter how hard they tried.
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Harvard Grant Study that followed 268 people over a span of 80 years identified the secrets to living a satisfied life;
- Value LOVE above everything - the two cornerstones of happiness are LOVE and the other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push LOVE away.
- Relationships matter a lot.
- Beware alcohol and cigarettes - mental illness followed alcoholism and when coupled with smoking, chances of morbidity and early death increase significantly
- Be content - supported by Deaton's 2010 study, emotional well-being stops increasing after earning power increases beyond $75k.
- It is mostly up to us and it is never too late to change.
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Honoring LOVE
When there's a love deficit, we feel pain, inferiority and rejection, which negatively manifest in materialism, addictions, mood swings, depression, mental illness and rebellion...
Love requires one to do the RIGHT thing, and not the nice things.
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Honoring Self-Reflection
is only true if one adopts the spirit of reflection and learning from the mistakes, without stooping to blame others for the failures or sinking into depression out of shame.
While the past can never be changed, it is important and right to apologize for the mistakes, self-reflect, take self-responsibility for the actions, learn life-lessons and respond in a positive way that will enhance the future.
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Honoring Forgiveness
When we forgive, we are committing to dismiss the offence each time it comes to mind, to take our eyes off the bad of the past, and to refocus on the good of the present, and the possibilities of the future.
Forgiveness is to not hold the offence against the other person any more, and to not allow the past to poison our future.
Forgiveness is a decision and not an emotion.
Mahatma Gandhi, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
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Honoring the Law of Cause & Effect
We reap what we sow.
It is important that we choose to plant good thoughts, words, emotions and deeds daily. We need to take responsibility for our thoughts, choices, actions and lives.
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Honoring Disappointments
Disappointment arises when reality does not match up with expectations. When life does not turn out the way we had hoped, we need to re-evaluate and re-adjust our expectations, so that our disappointment does not turn into a bitter seed that reaps fruits of bitterness.
It is important to guard against "what if" and "if only" thoughts as these are dangerous as they keep our focus on the past or on external factors and people that we cannot change or control. Example of such thoughts include "what if i had chosen to work at the other company"... such thoughts are useless as there are no real answers to hypothetical questions - we have to dare to face the facts for what they are and not live in remorse, regret, fantasies or imagination.
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Honoring Our Thoughts
Our thoughts affect our choices and actions, which then affect our destiny. Our thoughts produce words and behaviours, which in turn stimulate more thinking and choices that build more thoughts in an endless cycle. So it is the quality of our thinking and choices (our consciousness) , and our reactions that determine the quality of our minds and bodies.
Many people do not feel real happiness because they try to obtain it through material acquisitions rather than through freedom of spirit.
In order to be a success, one must first learn how to be a human being with a conscience.
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Honoring The Golden Rule & The Platinum Rule
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Honoring Boundaries
Conceited, narcissistic and self-focused individuals get what they want at the expense of others - they only give their time, money and attention when there is something in it for themselves.
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Honoring the Regrets of Others
The top regrets of the Dying in the last 12 weeks of their lives as observed by Australian palliative care nurse;
"I wished i hadn't work so hard to the extend that i miss out the milestone of those who really love and care for me. I deeply regret spending so much of my live on the treadmill of a work existence."
Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.
A wise man learns for the mistakes of others.
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Honoring Our Parents
Those who are not so filial tend to be not so successful in life. Because those who have not learned or have not been committed to being responsible to their parents, their irresponsibility spills over into other areas of their life resulting in them being less successful than they can actually be.
Filial piety is not only expressed in terms of money, but more importantly in terms of time & concern.
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Honoring Marriage
The success of a marriage is the result of choosing to do the right things regardless of one's feelings and emotions. it is about choosing to love someone, and less about choosing someone to meet our own needs.
Marriage is not always overflowing with happiness. It is where one learns how to love another person completely and unconditionally, even when the other person is not so lovable at times.
Marriage can empower our lives to make us better human only if we are willing to reflect, change and adjust.
A marriage is about 2 imperfect people coming together. Choose to forgive and reset your marriage each time unhappiness and conflict arises. Do not let bitterness poison your mind, your marriage and your future.
It always seems easier to run away from marital problems by getting a divorce, instead of tackling them head-on. People think that they will be liberated once they leave their spouse but they usually ended up as two separate selves, each with some part of both their previous selves.
A study by Mark Gungor at University of Chigago found out that 2/3 of unhappy married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy 5 years later. It was recommended that people should not run at the first sign of conflict. Have faith that things do get better with time if effort is made to work on it and stick with it.
A Happy Wife makes a Happy Life. Listen to your conscience as to what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong. Do not put yourself in the position of temptation to find pleasure in what you know is wrong, for we all reap what we sow.
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Di Zi Gui (弟子规)
At Home, Be Dutiful to My Parents（入则孝）
Be Cautious in My Daily Life（谨）
- 老易至，惜此时。事勿忙，忙多错。
Be Trustworthy（信）
- 见人善，即思齐。无心非，名为错。有心非，名为恶。
Love All Equally（泛爱众）
- 恩欲报，怨欲忘。报怨短，报恩长。
Be Close to and Learn from People of Virtue and Compassion（亲仁）
- 不亲仁，无限害。小人进，百事坏。
